Poor Baby
by The Elfmaniac
Summary: [ one shot, songfic ] The women at PrincetonPlainsboro take a little more interest in Wilson's love life.


**Title:** Poor Baby

**Author:** Erin (The Elfmaniac)

**Rating:** T, for language and situation.

**Pairings: **Implied Wilson/Accountant (from 'Cursed').

**Summary: **The women at Princeton-Plainsboro take a little more interest in Wilson's love life.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own House, MD or any of its characters.  
The song belongs to Stephen Sondheim's _Company_.

**Notes:** Given the complexity of the song:  
**_This is the woman's song text. Will be centered.  
_This it the man's song text. Will be centered.**

**Special Thanks: **To Raul Esparza. May his remainder of Company go well.

* * *

**_Darling--  
_****Yes?**  
**_Robert.  
_What?  
_I worry._**

"Chase, have you noticed how sullen Wilson looks lately?" Cameron asked after a few moments, blinking over at the other Doctor. The Australian Czech blinked, staring up at the woman.  
"No, why?" he asked carefully, wondering if this was some sort of woman-talk for 'do I look fat in these pants?'. Or, if it was going to turn into something like that.  
"I don't know. He seems a little depressed," she said after a few moments, frowning. Cameron looked up for any sign of change in Chase's face, finding nothing there.  
"I would be, too, if my wives keep divorcing me."

This earned him a smack in the arm.  
"Ow, what? It's true," he said with a small shrug, rubbing at the stinging area.  
"I just worry about him sometimes..."

**Why?**  
**_He's all alone.  
There's no one--  
_Where?**  
**_In his life.  
_Oh.**

"Why? We have House to worry about," he said, blinking at her in an uninterested fashion, taking a sip of his coffee. Chase ran a hand through his hair, looking up at her with a raised eyebrow.  
"But he's all alone," she commented, sighing deeply. Chase scowled, shaking his head a bit and rubbing the back of his neck. Women annd their sensitivities. He was all alone, though no one cared about him. He also hadn't gotten the boot about a zillion times, though...so he supposed it was fair enough.  
"There's no one," she continued, looking at him with her eyebrows knitted together.  
"...wait. Where?" he asked, slightly confused. Women were so odd, you know. They changed their topics every few seconds.

"In his _life_," Cameron hissed at him, narrowing her eyes. Chase blinked blearily, shaking his head.  
"Oh," he stated dumbly.

**_Robert ought to have a woman.  
Poor baby, all alone,  
Evening after evening by the telephone.  
We're the only tenderness he's ever known.  
Poor baby!_**

" Wilson really needs to have a woman in his life," she sighed. Chase had no idea what the hell he was to say about something like this-- he really couldn't debate the fact that he may need someone, merely because every man deserved it. But Wilson needed it, despite the fact he seemed like a commitment-a-phobe.  
"Poor James. He's all alone. I mean, at least we have eachother, in a way."  
Chase blinked.  
" Wilson only has House, which obviously is not the best thing for him," she continued. Chase found himself becoming very bored with this conversation, tilting his head at her. "Cuddy and I are the only...motherly affection he's probably seen for a while."  
He scoffed.  
"Poor baby," he laughed.

**_David--_**  
**Yes?  
_Robert.  
_What?**  
**_I worry._**

"I bet you're wondering why I called you here, House," Cuddy said after a few moments. He leaned his weight onto his cnae, looking at the woman.  
"You can't resist me, and you want me to take you, right here, in the office."  
"No."  
"If you change your mind, I could run home and get some...things."  
"No, you couldn't."  
"Nice."

Cuddy shook her head, running her hand through her hair, attempting to straighten it out a little bit.  
"I'm...I'm worried," she finally aaid, blinking a few times at the Doctor, whom blinked right back.  
"...about me?"  
"No. About Wilson."  
"...what?"  
"I worry about Wilson."

**Why?**  
**_It's such a waste.  
There's no one--_**  
**Where?  
_In his life._**  
**Oh.**

"...why?" he asked after a few moments, raising an eyebrow at her. Wilson was...perfectly fine, in his opinion. Sure, he was miserable, but everyone around him was completely miserable. Everyone had to be completely miserable around him, it was some sort of law.  
"Well, it sort of seems like he's the slightest bit sad," Cuddy stated carefully, steepling her fingers together. House raised her eyebrow a little bit.  
"And I care, why?" he asked after a few moments, raising an eyebrow and challenging her.  
"He's your friend, and you're the only one in his life. It's such a waste!" she exclaimed, looking at Gregory in a murderous fashion. He blinked, feeling the slightest bit of fear that only crazy women could instill inside him. "There's no woman."  
"..Where? I'm talking to one."  
"In his life!" she yelled at him, face flushing. It wasn't a good look for her.  
"...oh!

**_Robert ought to have a woman.  
Poor baby, sitting there,  
Staring at the walls and playing solitaire,  
Making conversation with the empty air.  
Poor baby!_**

"He really ought to have a woman!" she sighed, leaning back into her chair. House blinked a little bit more, shaking his head a bit and biting his lower lip to keep back a snarky remark. "He stays too late by himself, always playing some sort of card game."  
"Again, I fail to see why I should care."  
"We've got Chase on board to help him. We want you to do one good thing in your life."  
"Or?"  
"No Vicodin."  
"Nice. I'll do it then, I guess."  
"Good. I'm quite tired of seeing him talk to himself, anyways," she said with a small laugh.

For the next few weeks, Chase and House kept to their word. Chase, because he really did like Cameron and wanted to please her (much like a whipped puppy), and House wanted his damn pills, of course. Without them, he would die, or so he said.  
Wilson seemed a little weirded out by the fact the two of them were taking so much interest in his personal life. However, James wasn't one to be rude and bitch at his friends for caring, so he tended more to the side of not saying anything at all.

However, somehow, he met with the accountant, the very attractive blonde accountant, quite a few times. She was funny, a bit dull sometimes, but undeniably sexy. House and Chase were happy to see Wilson happy, but even more happy that they wouldn't have to hear the woman bitch about how miserable James was.

However, sometimes, things didn't go according to plan.

**_Robert...  
Bobby...  
Robert, angel...  
Bobby, honey...  
You know,  
No one  
Wants you to be happy  
More than I do,  
No one,  
But isn't she a little bit, well,  
You know,  
Face it,  
Why her?_**

"She seems...nice," Cameron tried to say happily, watching the two of them leave. Wilson was happy with her, though she was tall and thin and blonde and...what the hell would a guy see in her, anyways? She frowned deeply at the two of them, turning over to Chase. "Couldn't you have picked someone...else?"  
"...what the hell is wrong with you?" he asked, flailing his arms in a really, really angry sort of fashion. Women were so freaking complicated...well, most of them. Wilson's new main squeeze, April, was very odd and simple. She did ramble sometimes, and when she was done, she always seemed to end with, 'I have nothing more to say'. Chase decided that all women should be like April.

"We did what you told us to do. We got Wilson a woman, we...we got him happy, what more do you want?"  
"Well, I really do want him to be happy, but..isn't she a little bit well...you know?"  
"More attractive than you? Good? Smart?" he scoffed, rolling his eyes just a little bit.  
"No!" she said, frowning deeply. "I mean, she's a little weird, isn't she? A bit...well...why her? Why not someone else?" she asked.  
"God, will nothing make you two happy?"

**_No one  
...wants you to be happy  
More than I do,  
No one,  
But--  
Isn't she a little bit, well,  
You know,  
Face it--_**

Cuddy rolled her eyes at the two of them at lunch. They were pretty much having eye sex that anyone could see, and for some reason, she could see it more than others. She grabbed her tray, moving off towards House, sitting down next to him.  
"House, we need to talk."  
"Really, that offer of me running home to get stuff is still open."  
"No, it isn't."  
"Nice."  
" Wilson," she stated after a few moments, looking across the room at the black-haired man. "That girl...isn't she a little bit, well."  
"What?"  
"Weird?"

He looked at her in a really, really clueless fashion. He raised an eyebrow, and shook his head. "Wait. What?" he asked after a few moments, shaking his head and blinking wildly. "What the hell is wrong with her?  
"Well, she's a little slutty."  
"...so are you, Miss Fertility Shots."  
She gave him the look. That look.  
"Well, okay, that was a little harsh, but, honestly. I don't see a thing wrong with her," he said, shaking his head. "You just want Wilson."  
"Shut up, House."

**_You know, no one  
Wants you to be happy  
More than I do,  
No one,  
But--  
Isn't she a little bit, well--_**

" Wilson!"  
Cameron and Cuddy grabbed onto his arm, smiling in the sugary way all women could pull off. The oncologist blinked at the two of them, raising an eyebrow. "Uh, yes?" he asked, rubbing his other arm, taking his limb out of their grip.  
"Are you okay?" Cuddy finally managed to ask, trying not to sound accusatory or anything like that. He loosened his tie a little bit.  
"Yes, I'm perfectly wonderful, but a little curious as to why you're asking."

Cameron laughed a little bit. "Well, you...you seemed to have a new girlfriend, and..well. She seems just a little.."  
Wilson crossed his arms.  
"A little what?"

**_Dumb?  
Tacky?  
Vulgar?  
Old?  
Tall?  
Aggressive?  
Where is she from?  
Neurotic?  
Peculiar?  
And cheap?  
She seems so dead.  
She's tall enough to be your mother.  
And gross?  
Depressing?  
She's very weird.  
And immature?  
Goliath!_**

"Well, she seems...a bit...tall, for you," Cuddy finally settled on saying, behind the bush with Wilson again. There was nothing odd about that, of course. "Maybe a bit...weird, as well. Honestly, I was having a conversation with her, and...she seems a little...dull."  
"Dumb," said Cameron plainly.  
"Weird."  
"Gross."  
"Crazy."

Wilson raised an eyebrow at the two of them, shrugging a bit. "It's none of your business," he finally stated, trying to sound just a little bit defensive. He honestly didn't care how weird or any number of things that was wrong with her, so long as she continued to sleep with him. "Why do you care?"  
"No one wants you to be happy more than we do," Cuddy said. "We're just a little bit concerned about you because we care. She's a little...she's tall enough to be a building. She's so immature and...has...agh."  
Amy slunk up beside them, long arms wrapping around Wilson's shoulders. "James, honey, we need to talk," she almost purred, causing Cameron to look disgusted.

The two of them disappeared into another room, and Cuddy and Cameron exchanged look. They mentally took down the room number to get the sheets cleaned.

**_Poor baby, all alone,  
Throw a lonely dog a bone, it's still a bone.  
We're the only tenderness he's ever known.  
Poor baby!_**

A few weeks later, he looked relatively happy, still. He was always aorund her, and for someone reason, this made Cuddy and Cameron miserable.  
The two of them sat together at lunch, turning their heads to watch the two.  
"Chase and House...they're idiots. Poor man. He's going to get his heart broken by a vixen."  
"We're the only ones that care about him."

They sighed.  
"Well. Who do we fix up next?

* * *

**End fic. First House, M.D. fic; ergo, please excuse the shoddiness about it.  
R&R. **


End file.
